You will need:

– a plank of 86 cm X 36.5 cm X 1.5 cm thick at least (34in X 14in 1/2 X 6/8in min )

– a pair of Duravit hinges 0061221000 (You can still buy those online. Normal hinges won’t fit in the toilet bowl holes)

– 2 round rubber buffers (22mm or 7/8 inch is standard)

– 4 or 5 oblong plastic buffers (60mm or 2.1/2 inch is standard)

– 10 or 12 short screw (1 cm long or less)

– heavy duty varnish or oil paint

You will also need a jigsaw, a drill, a power sander, a paintbrush and a screw driver.

Pick a plank with as few knots as possible. Holes and dents can be filled with filler but they might remain visible so it’s not ideal.

Cut the plank. You need to make 2 identical pieces of 43 cm X 36.5 cm. The side you are looking at (the best side of each piece) will become the top of the lid and the top of the seat. Hinges will be installed at the top of each piece.

Trim the corners of both pieces to mirror the octagonal shape of the toilet bowl.

Draw the hole on the piece that will become the toilet seat. Measure 8 cm from all sides. If you have knots in the middle of one piece, that’s the piece you want to use as the seat as it will be trimmed off, like in my example.

Drill holes in each corner using a drill bit bigger that the jigsaw blade. Make sure the drill holes are inside what will become the seat hole or you will damage your toilet seat.

Slip the jigsaw blade in one of the holes and connect the dots.

Sand all edges and any imperfection with a power sander. It needs to be as smooth as a baby’s ass. Sorry, I mean it needs to be smooth enough for a baby’s ass. If you can still feel imperfections with your hands, these will become more apparent once varnished. And cleaning will be more difficult (lint from your cleaning rag will catch and grime will settle). So, making a neat job at the sanding stage will pay off in the long run.

Once you are happy with the shape, dye or paint the wood, or simply varnish it. Use an oil-based product for a stronger protection and easy washing. I had mine dyed black and varnished. I also painted the logo of the White Star Line on both sides of the lid.

Now flip the pieces (underside up, large triangles at the top) and mark the buffers and hinges positions. By the way, buffers typically come in white, black or beige. They either come with holes (so you can screw them in place) or with pins, in which case you need to drill holes for the pins. The former is easier to fit.

– You need to screw the 2 round buffers under the lid, at the top, roughly 7 cm from each edge.

– The oblong buffers should be put under the seat at an angle, closer to the exterior edges. Their exact position is not important but make sure they rest on the bowl. Putting a 5th one at the front is entirely optional.

– The hinges inside the lid should be 13 cm apart (middle of the screw to middle of the screw).

– The hinges under the toilet seat should be roughly 19.2 cm apart.

Make sure both hinges are central and that the lid and seat align perfectly together before screwing everything. That’s the trickiest part.

Insert the hinges as per instructed on the pack.

Voila.

In retrospect, I should have bevelled more the inside edge of the hole.

***

Earlier this year, I bought a brand new (and expensive) Duravit 1930s series toilet bowl. I also ordered a walnut seat to go with it. I definitely didn’t want a white plastic seat.

A week later, the supplier cancelled the order for the toilet seat when they finally realised that they had none in stock. I though: “no big deal, many other suppliers advertise it”. Except everyone of them were out of stock.

I then contacted Duravit itself. They couldn’t care less about my predicament.

At that point, I was very pissed off. Someone suggested that I use the yet unplumbed toilet bowl and then return it as a dirty protest. I would be lying if I said hadn’t been  tempting.

But then I decided that making a toilet seat was surely not rocket science. I found replacement hinges online (no thanks to Duravit customer service) and made a cardboard template. I bought a plank and ‘the rest is history’, as they say.